The Yakkie Diaries

Where I come from, there are beliefs that witches possess powers to fly abroad. Their means of transportation is mostly groundnut skin. D on’t ask me if it’s true or not – I don’t know.  The crux of the matter is that times are extremely hard. Some of us would love to travel abroad at an AFFORDABLE rate. This is an open letter to witches. If you know a witch, please kindly pass the message along: “Witches should commercialize their abilities to fly with groundnut skin abroad.” Adams Adams, 2016. According to him, this might make people abandon airlines which are drastically expensive. It’s quite unfortunate that the witches in this part of the world rather prefer to kill and destroy (hearsay). The million-dollar question now is:  If you hear that a witch has provided a cheaper means of flying abroad with groundnut skin, would you patronize his/her business?

While you were sleeping peacefully, I was restlessly tossing on my bed; Sleep evaded me, fear gripped me. While you were chasing other girls, I was steadfastly praying to God; Happiness, for me, was in absentia. While you were gallivanting, I was almost out of my mind; I had nothing to hold on to. When it was that time of the month, I had many fears viz.: an unwanted pregnancy, becoming a baby momma, a crumbled education, societal hullabaloo. Thankfully, it came, Gracefully, it flowed; Hugely relieved, I was. It won’t happen again, It mustn’t happen again; Next time, use a condom.

Like flowers withered, so was her heart dying slowly.

Love have I told you How I so miss you I know you miss me too And I think there's a way out So this is the plan  You'll like the plan Remember how we began And how there was no doubt Tonight you and I  It will be you and I  With our hearts we will try And our efforts will be all-out  As our love streams In shoreless streams Come to me in my dreams And we'll have fun throughout

You see your friend’s husband standing along the road with a strange woman, and you immediately call your friend to report same… and more. You tell your friend (Mrs. A) that her husband (Mr. A) was looking at the woman (Lady A) with ‘consuming’ eyes. You tell Mrs. A that there was something fishy about how Mr. A and Lady A were smiling. Meanwhile, you don’t tell Mrs. A that you were some kilometers away from Mr. A and Lady A. You don’t tell Mrs. A that you aren’t quite sure of the ‘consuming’ eyes, because you couldn’t see clearly from that distance. Some people cannot keep their mouths shut. These are the ones that keep putting their noses where they don’t belong. And they always hide behind the ‘I’m trying to be your friend’ veil. You should be aware of these ‘friends’. They are the types that can easily destroy your marriage or relationship on whimsical impulses. These people don’t pause to gather their facts before they go on a gossiping spree. When you really think

I’ve been sitting here, Waiting for you to call. If at me, you throw a spear, I’ll be willing to take the fall. My phone is yet to ring, However, I’ll wait for you. If to me, you deception bring, I’ll know I was never your boo. Lately, you’ve changed, And I’ve had to keep up. If with me, you act deranged, I’ll gladly call a garbage pickup.